


Classified

by hazelandglasz



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, College, First Time, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4357022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelandglasz/pseuds/hazelandglasz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anonymous asked<br/>posted a joke ad in the classifieds but someone actually responded - sounds fun and I want it for klaine :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Classified

October at NYADA is usuaully pretty calm.

New students settle in, getting their footing in this madhouse of a school, older students exchange horror stories from their internships and summer jobs as the understudy for the third boy in the choir from the left while the teachers are getting ready to prepare the exams with vodka in their bottles of water.

Pretty calm.

But not this year.

Since September, Kurt has heard the piano room being used, and even if he doesn’t have the time to go in and check who is tickling the keys, he can only applaud the maestria that goes behind the rendition of pieces as diverse as Katy Perry covers and Bartok’s concerto.

And Roxy Music.

The cover of “More than This” as a languid ballad that he caught on his run to mime class has haunted him for weeks.

And Billy Joel.

Kurt would love to know who is the modern days Piano Man, if only to bow to his fingers.

And then he does.

Because Mr. Piano Man, of the wide musical choices and the unique talent, is apparently a Freshman.

A gorgeous Freshman, with a very singular fashion sense and a magnificent tuches, that goes by the name of Anderson (the Freshman, not his tuches. Kurt doesn’t know if it has a distinct name. He would call it All Around The Clock Snack, but that’s just him) and has apparently decided to shake things up in the cuckoo’s nest.

With a full on “You May Be Right” riot.

In every class, which could indicate that young Mr. Anderson managed to rally enough students around his cause to cause the uproar simultaneously.

In a month of presence at the school.

If that wasn’t enough to make Kurt curious (and more than a little admiring), the performance itself would do the trick.

Really, with a voice like his, and that stage presence–well, cafeteria table presence, but the world is a stage, right?–Anderson has his future in show business all ready for him.

Kurt is envious, of course he is, but he also knows that they will never be in the same ring of auditions and prospects, so it’s a simple envy at Anderson’s contagious energy.

And more than a little lust, because, did Kurt mention the admirable legs that trickle down the bitable tuches mentioned earlier? Those strong thighs, and those elegant ankles?

(What? They’re right there, because Mr. Anderson wears pants that hug his ass and stop right above the aforementioned articulation)

And those arms.

Dear lord, Kurt is just about to think again about guns regulation, because those biceps and those forearms should be forbidden in public places.

Seriously, either Kurt needs to get laid or he is facing an entirely new specimen of Men crafted just to his heart’s desire.

Or both.

Both are good too.

But Kurt is not about to let another man, another student, steal his focus.

He’s a Junior in one of the most competitive schools, preparing him for one of the most competitive trades, and Kurt has promised himself that he wouldn’t let anything get in his way to success.

There.

That doesn’t mean that he can’t daydream of Mr. Anderson and his lovely assets when he waits for his laundry to get clean every other Saturday, instead of reading the classified ads

\---

 

Kurt Hummel has a couple of guilty pleasures.

Not so guilty, because he’s at a point in his life where he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what people think of him, but the saying goes as it does.

He always eats cheesecakes when he feels like the world is against him.

He likes to cuddles with his pillow.

“Real Housewives” are a gift to mankind to unplug from the harshness of the world.

And he loves, loves, reading the classified advertisements in the Brooklyn Downtown Star.

It’s just like his reality TV show: it’s addicting, and Kurt loves getting a glimpse of those people’s lives.

Rachel, Santana and Mercedes can say that it’s pathetic all they want–at least he’s not hurting anybody while he waits for his life to begin.

Yes, he is using those feelings for his audition for an Off-off-Broadway, all-male Tangled musical.

Back to the classifieds: each Saturday morning, Kurt uses his free day to go to the laundromat, loads a machine with all of his dirty clothes and waits for it to be washed with a cup of coffee and his precious newspaper.

It’s his “feel well” ritual.

But today, he’s frozen on that one ad, because it feels like it’s about him.

Ad #21.

“ _ **Single male seeks another single male for flexible adventures. Looks not important. Must be tall, slim and strong, fair skin with temperament to match. You know who you are. Let’s stop playing games.**_ ”

Well, Kurt is a bit stunned.

Tall, slim and strong? Check.

Fair skin? Well, his freckles didn’t come from having a tanned skin.

Temperament to match? Hm, well, okay, maybe not but Kurt guesses he could learn to … compromise.

And he’s definitely flexible.

The more he thinks about it, the more Kurt feels like he really is the one aimed at with this ad.

But who is the poster?

Who wants to go on … “adventures” with him?

Who is tired of “playing games”?

Kurt knows who he wants it to be, but Life doesn’t always work that way, does it now.

He needs to know for real now.

Going back inside, Kurt decides that today might be a good day for a change in his routine.

—

Blaine is going to kill Sam.

And Dani.

Both of them will be missed, but he has to kill them now.

What kind of roommates, what kind of  _friends_ really, let their roommate and friend post an ad while drunk enough to be a living, breathing and walking (kind of), Rum Baba.

Furthermore, they’re the ones who helped him write it in the first place, so really, those are not his words.

The end of that ad reeks of Sam’s attempt at making an impression–pun intended–while the physical attributes have Dani’s betrayal of a drunken confession written all over it.

And now his phone is ringing with an unknown number.

Hence the planification for murder.

But it’s not the caller’s fault if they fell for that … joke of an ad, so the courteous, polite thing to do is to answer, explain the situation, suffer through the embarrassment, kill his roommates, go for a cronut and find new friends.

There.

“H-hello?”

“ _Mr. Anderson, hi, this is the Classified service. We have someone on the phone reaching you regarding your ad_.”

“Yes?”

“ _May I transfer the call to you?_ ”

Blaine sighs. What the Hell, might as well. “Sure.”

A moment of silence, and Blaine covers his eyes with his hand.

“ _Hi? Yes, hello, hi._ ”

The voice is young, pleasant and a tad nervous.

That makes two of us buddy.

“Blaine Anderson speaking?”

“ _Oh, yes, hi, I’m Kurt. Kurt Hummel. And I saw your ad?_ ”

Oh no.

No.

Anything but.

Kurt.

Fucking gorgeous.

Hummel.

“Oh dear.”

“ _And I couldn’t help but think that it has everything to do with me?_ ”

“Yes,” Blaine breathes, because it does, he was thinking of the older NYADA student that Blaine has been observing and admiring from afar when he described his ideal man to Dani, which in turn landed in the fucking ad. “I mean …”

“ _Do I know you?_ ”

Oh sweet Lord of Mercy.

Closing his eyes, Blaine decides to go for the truth–might as well.

In for a penny, in for a world of humiliating pound.

“I … I go to NYADA too, and I–oh Lord–I have a sort of, kind of crush on you? And I might have talked about you to my roommates and they–they made me write that ad.”

“ _They … made you?_ ”

“Using my alcohol-addled brain against me.”

“ _Uh-huh. A crush, you say?_ ”

“Sort of, kind of, yes?”

Can he move to Australia? Would that be far enough to get a fresh start?

He could become a koala breeder.

“ _Aren’t you the one who started a Billy Joel riot last semester?_ ”

“… Yes, that’s me.”

“ _I remember you._ ”

If Blaine is not mistaken, there is a smile in Kurt’s voice.

“ _You made an impression, that’s for sure … Piano man_.”

He can feel his neck heating up. “I did?”

“ _Oh definitely. Now, about those … flexible adventures?_ ”

Blaine nearly chokes on his own spit.

“What about ‘em?”

“ _I think I can use some adventures in my life._ ”

“Oh?”

“ _As I’m already covered on the flexibility front._ ”

This time, Blaine does choke on air, but he quickly recovers.

“Well then…,” he starts, “what do you think about exploring the Americas?”

“ _Sounds like my kind of adventure, Blaine,_ “ Kurt replies, and there is definitely a smile in his voice this time. ” _When do you want to go exploring?_ “

“Tomorrow morning?” Blaine offers, already making plans.

For the two of them, and to thank–as reluctant as he is–his little enablers.


End file.
